Roller Coaster: From A Boy To A Man (Fanfiction)



  1. Chapter XXXIV

    Chris’s POV

    Sunday, 9th of december, Kae’s West Hollywood Condo, 9:07pm.

    Her saying these words got my attention. See, I never perceived Kae as a liar. Until now. I knew everything she was lying about. She was so easy to read, especially since she was a bad liar. It kind of threw me aback, though. I always knew her as frank and truthful. If you were pushing her buttons, she’d tell you. 

    I don’t like lies. If you wanna talk to me, say it as it is instead of inventing wild ass fairytals. I know when someone is fooling me, sooner or later. And you’re gonna be the one embarassed at the end. Not me.

    Sometimes, the truth can be painful as fuck, so we just act coward and run from it. But running from it won’t do shit. It will just bite you in the ass and chew all your hopes away later. Then, you’ll fall from a way higher skyscrapper than the one you should have previously fallen from. And shit hurts bad. Trust me, I’ve experienced it. Those running from the truth thinking it will eventually fade away are blinding themselves. Lies take elevators but truth takes stairs… if you know what I mean.

    But as I mentionned before, Kae wasn’t a liar, unless she had something important no one wanted to know. But I know her just like the back of my hand. I know when she’s lying. I know when she’s not. Why do you think I showed up?

    I know pretty much everything about her…

    -Everything is not right… not like you think it is…

    I raised my eyebrows and nodded for her to go on.

    -Well… she bit her lip.

    You could see on her face she was looking through billons available in her intern dictionnary of words to tell me what she had to tell. I knew she failed finding them because all that came out from her mouth was a sigh. Her hands gripping the covers just flew over her body before slowly making their way to the zipper of the coat. She pulled it down, revealing her body. Then she looked at me, pressing her lips while her eyes were glistening harder and harder. I stood there unfazed, watching her routine come to an end.

    -Here, she whispered.

    -I know, I shrugged.

    I turned on my heels and just made my way out. She didn’t press the thing either. Great. I’m not wasting my time on lies anymore.

    Trust me when I said I knew everything.

    Adri’s POV

    Monday 10th of December, Bria and Adri’s house, Calabasas, 2:12am

    My dream ended abruptly as my phone went off and as Bria moaned on top of her lugs. Agravated, I banged on the wall separating my room from hers. 

    -BRIA, IF YOU DON’T SHUT ALL THAT FUCKING SCREAMING UP, I warned before answering my phone.

    -Yeah.

    -He knows now.

    -Kae?

    I sat up on my bed squiting my eyes as if it could help me figure out whose voice it was at the end of the line.

    -Yes, she sniffed, making me sigh.

    -How?

    -I don’t know, I didn’t say anything until today. When I told him, he was like “I know” and he just left… her voice got squeakier.

    I sighed again. This time, much deeper.

    -Kae, I told you to tell him by yourself. He just found out because of somebody else, how do you expect him to react?

    -It’s still his child, dammit! Fuck, how is he reacting so coldly and non chalantly for the loss of his child?! She exploded.

    -First of all, lower it. It’s 2 am in the morning and I’m tired. I don’t wanna hear no damn screaming at this time of the hour. Second, you just bluntly lied to his face, Kae! How many times he called you to know about the kid’s and your health and you’d answer “oh, she’s fine” and giggle? I’m sure he grieved when he learnt about it. Do you think he’ll grieve in front of you again? Helloooo, you hid one of the most important things from him. How do you think he feels?

    -Please, I didn’t call to get lectured and get all the problems of the world blamed on me so-

    -I’m not lecturing you, I’m just explaining why I think he behaved that way ‘cause clearly you don’t understand.

    -I’m not tryna understand anything, I just want him to know that it wasn’t my fault!

    -The loss ain’t your fault but he’s the father. Supposedly. So you should have been truthful from the begining if you loved him that much.

    -It has nothing to do with my love for him…

    -Oh, yes it does, I snapped my fingers.

    -‘Cause you’d have told him the truth, even if it hurts if you loved him that much.

    -I’m sorry, okay? She broke down.

    Now I might have been a little bit harsh on her considering the fact that I was more on Chris’s side than on hers right now. She called me for me to comfort her and I just realized that all I’ve been doing was making her feel so guilty that she felt the need to apologize to me.

    -Baby, I’m not the one who needs apologies… come on, calm down, it’s going to be all right.

    -He must hate me, she cried.

    -No… I’m sure he doesn’t… 

    This was a lie that I was telling to her and myself.

    -Just give him some time, okay?

    She quickly vented to me since it was late and she was tired. I felt it. After quieting her cries down with my soothing words, she finally decided to go to sleep, leaving me with my eyes wide open in the big dark room. Well. Looks like I’ll have to count sheeps again.

      *

    *  *

    It was going on 3 am and I was still wrestling with my covers and my bed trying to sleep and finish my dream.

    -Ugh! I huffed sitting up, crossing my arms.

    And Bria who was still having fun nextdoor… I didn’t even bother knock on the wall this time. It would make me such a cock blocker. No pun intended. 

    All that sexual mood was getting to me so I decided to watch porn. Catching my phone, I went to the Safari app to google some latino porn. The plan was to watch something until I get aroused enough to play with myself and eventually, reach an orgasm. Orgasms make me sleepy as hell. The first google link which came up was a Pornhub one so I clicked it and pressed play on whatever it was. As soon as the video started, my insides started tingling. The girl had a fat ass and she was riding the shit out of the guy. The camera was all up on her ass, which kept jiggling everytime the guy spanked her. I bit my lip at the sight of that wet black dick slipping in and out her pussy, making me feel hornier and hornier. Her moans, kinda exagerated ones, managed me to make me horny also. 

    So I didn’t waste no time and slipped outta my sweat pants and my thong. I held my phone in my right hand and brought my left middle finger to my tongue to make it wet. I put my index finger on my clit’s hood and pulled it up a little so my clit was out. I massaged my clit with my finger until I was rubbing that spot that felt oh so good. I was breathing a little bit faster. I kept getting my finger wet with my saliva until I rubbed my pussy lips, which were soaking wet. I decided to make my middle finger enter my pussy, with my palm up and started making “come here” moves, rubbing my g spot at the same pace that the guy’s dick was entering that girl’s pussy. It felt so right. Sighs were now escaping my mouth and I felt my blood rush to my head. I brought my finger back to my clit which was now hard as fuck. My finger slipping up and down my clit felt amazing. The more I rubbed rhythmically, the more I felt the pleasure grow. My waist rose from my bed’s matress as the pleasure was now taking over the pit of my stomach. My insides tingled again but way more than the first time. 

    Just then, Chris’ name appeared over the video with his text.

    Chris: u sleep?

    I ignored it for now as it grew harder for me to focus on anything but my pleasure.

    My body started shaking with pleasure, telling me this was the beggining of my orgasm. The final rubs were pure ecstasy. At this point, I couldn’t control the moans that were coming from my mouth anymore. My lungs swelled and deflated rapidly as my orgasms was slowly but nicely dying down. My clit felt way too sensitive to rub it more.

    I sighed stopping the video. What was the point of watching it anymore? I got what I wanted. Once my heart was back at it’s regular beat again, I rose from my bed and made my way to my bathroom, washing my hand and wipping all that extra moisture off my pussy.

    After doing my hygiene routine, I decided it would be the right time to reply to Chris’s text. I jumped back on my bed and rolled over my phone. I pressed on his message to reply that I was about to drift off soon and got comfortable under my bed. I threw the heavy ass covers over my head and closed my eyes. It seemed like Bria and Barry were finally over their freaky night cause I couldn’t hear a thing anymore. The thought of seeing her limping to the living room the next day made me smile.

    *Since she’s been away, looove’s been MIIIA*

    -Hello? I pick up my phone.

    -Yo, he just greeted huskily.

    -Chris? Boy, didn’t I tell you that I was sleeping? I said shifting around and now landing on my belly. My elbows were supporting my weight.

    -Are you now? He chuckled.

    -Aye, I told you I was about to sleep!

    -Oh, now, you were about to sleep? He laughed.

    I just kissed my teeth.

    -Whatever, I needed you to call me anyway.

    -Oh word? What about? He asked. I could hear a sparkeling noise at the end of the line.

    -Are you smoking?

    -Yup. I just lighted my shit.

    -Weed?

    -Nah, not right now. Cigs.

    -Ain’t you a singer, tho… shouldn’t you keep yo lungs perfect?

    -Shouldn’t you mind your business? He horriblely mocked me with a voice that didn’t sound like mine at all.

    -I don’t really care. Once my lungs give up on me, I’m just gonna focus on ghostwritting, producing and making videos. Why not movies.

    -But lungs cancer…

    He blew his smoke noisily.

    -Why did you need me to call you anyway? He changed the subject.

    -Well, about Kae… and boy, don’t you roll yo eyes at me!

    He chuckled a couple times.

    -How do you know I did tho?

    -I know you. You forget that.

    This time, he cackled.

    -You’re far from knowing me, bae…

    -Watchu mean? You sound really creepy right now. Anyway, how did you find out about her?

    He stayed quiet before answering in a way that kind of starteled me.

    -You knew too, didn’t you?

    His question threw me off guard. I knew damn well about Kae losing her baby. Her friend called me the same night the miscarriage happened. When I went to see Kae the next day, she wanted me to tell Chris everything that happened. Still, I couldn’t be the one telling Chris about it. Who was I to him? I’d have rather have somone like Barry tell him since he’s his bestfriend. And I wasn’t here. I didn’t know what really went on. I just knew the consequences of it. I don’t know why I feel that way. I have stay in my line.

    -Y-yeah, I stuttered before rushing an explanation.

    -But I was not suppsed to be the one to tell you-

    -But you could, for fuck sake. I don’t even know when shit happened. It must be not recent since she’s already home and since she can do stuff on her own, now, he spat.

    I just sighed in defeat. He was kind of right. After all, it was his child that passed away. He had the right to know about it on time.

    -Like why the fuck are y’all hiding such stuffs from me knowing damn well it’s important?

    -Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about all that. I mean you’re concerend about this too, that’s what we forgot. It was all about Kae until you popped back in the picture, I shaded.

    -Popped back in the picture? I never EVER left on the first place so I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, he hissed.

    -Can you calm down, I’m not here for all that anger at all.

    -Well maybe if you did the right thing, I wouldn’t be here rambling angrily at 3 am like a mad nigga, I heard him blow some smoke.

    -Wow, now you’re blaming it on me. Was I the one cuddling with my girlfriend while my baby mama was in trouble?

    -Shut up, he just gritted. I know he was pissed, but the truth is all I tell. I won’t sugar coat shit just because he’s rich and famous.

    -Fuck you and your anger, okay, I ain’t here for all of that. Whatever, Chris. You didn’t answer my question. Who told you?

    -Seiko.

    -Who’s that?

    -The friend with a big chin.

    Even through his pissed tone was irritating me, I let some chuckle leave my mouth. He can act like an asshole sometimes but I can’t lie, he’s my favorite asshole in the world and I’d never want him to change for anything. He and Bria are the only ones who can piss me off one second and make me laugh the one after. Our friendship was tight like that.

    -Why you laughin? Am I lying?

    I laughed louder.

    -No, you ain’t. But you could say something else instead of big chin.

    -Like? Chinky eyed with black hair? She has plenty of chinky eyed friend with long black her. You’d get em confused. She only has one friend with a big chin, though.

    I laughed again.

    -Alright… are you still mad at me?

    He inhaled some smoke before replying me.

    -Yeah.

    -I’m sorry Chris, come on…

    -It will take more than a sorry to get me over it, though.

    I sighed.

    -It’s not your fault but… you know. I’m so frustrated right now. It already hurt that my child is gone but y’all not telling me was like adding salt to the wound so I kinda unleash my anger on everybody, now, nah I mean?

    I nodded mumbling a quick “mhmmm”.

    -Yeah, he just breathed kinda sadly.

    I felt so bad for him, I just decided to change the subject. I wouldn’t want him to end up overthinking. I would be if I was him. I think I’d be depressed actually. But I see he’s handeling things pretty well and I’d hate to ruin that…

    -You still in touch with Belinda?

    I heard some choking like noise at the end of the line. It made me almost die with laughter.

    -What?! Who?! Nigga, he exclaimed.

    -Chris please. Stop acting like you forgot about her.

    -No, I swear to God. I did. May he strike me dead if I’m lying right now. 

    -You fucked her tho, didn’t you? I asked laughing.

    -Nnnno…

    -Hah! You’re lying!

    He laughed heartedly.

    -I’m not! Ugh, man… Actually… I don’t know. Cause I was drunk to the point I couldn’t remember shit. Like wasted, real wasted. She told me we ain’t fuck, you know buuuut… he chuckled.

    -I don’t really know because I woke up that day with a killer hangover and she was naked when she told me so…

    -Naaah, y’all did, I don’t care.

    -You know my mother thinks we did, right?

    I hollered in laughter.

    -She knew?!

    -Hell yeah! She was ready to slap a nigga, man. Gettin me scary and shit. I still don’t know who snitched that shit to her, man…

    -Ha. The perks of hangin with snakes.

    -Watchu mean?

    -These OHB niggas. They ain’t seem right.

    -You don’t know them, tho. Y’all were never talkin when they were around. You were always acting like you were on mute.

    -I don’t wanna know them.

    -See? That’s the problem. You don’t know and you don’t wanna know so don’t judge, man, I know who I hang with.

    I sighed knowing that this convo was turning into a never ending debate. And knowing Chris, even if it was late as fuck, he wouldn’t let it go. And he gets so loud when he’s tryna prove a point, it’s actually funny. But I was too tired to hear all that right now so I just decided on ending our call all together so it wouldn’t get heated. We were tired, anyway.

    Right now, I just feel like sleeping my life away.

     


  2. Anonymous said: can you lease update pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeee update

    I’ll try.

     


  3. Anonymous said: Uppppppdaaattttee peerless

    *sighs* I’ll try.

     


  4. I can’t update as often as I please because of college…

    I’m getting busier and busier. Plus, I’m starting to run out of inspiration… :(

    I don’t wanna give up this story though.

    So you will have to wait and wait for updates. I know it’s hella annoying but… :|

     


  5. Anonymous said: great chap. cant wait for next ;) !!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m actually glad to see some are still reading this story. ^_^

     


  6. Anonymous said: uppppppppppppdate :(

    It will be up in like 5 minutes. :)

     


  7. Not giving up on this.

    Half of the chapter is written. Coming soon.

     


  8. Anonymous said: Update soon?

    Like, I really don’t know. :llllll Imma tell y’all as soon as I can.

     


  9. Anonymous said: Do you have a chapter list ?

    Yeah. http://rollercoasterfanfic.tumblr.com/Chapters.

     


  10. Chapter XXXIII

    Mijo’s POV

    Sunday, 9th of december, Jailyn’s crib, 11:05pm.

    I finally reached the 5th floor where she resided with Mylen asleep in my arms. It was about 11 pm and I was supposed to drop him at 9. I’ll never hear the end of it.

    I hesitanlty pressed the ring button. I didn’t want to drop him off. We had such a good time today. He met Bria and we went to an amusement park all day. After the amusement park, we decided to grab some Chipotle and have some Hagen Dasz ice creams and we bought popcorn, candies and sodas right after ‘cause we were about to be watching a movie when we get back home. I had the whole house for myself since Chris worked all day. Bet he’d be back by the time I make it back home. We watched movies until Mylen fell asleep.

    For some reason, I felt like it was supposed to be. Me… Mylen… and Jailyn. This is how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to be a family. And I just had to mess what we had up.

    *Flashback*

    27th of March 2009, Chris & Mijo’s hotel room, Los Angeles, 8:09 am.

    I barged in the room groggily walking through the door. My body felt heavy as fuck. I had only one thing on my mind: My bed. To lay on my bed. I tried to rush to my room but failed miserably, gravitation making me taste the floor. I giggled and then slurred:

    -You’re one faggot ass bitch, Mrs Gravitation, uh. You won’t let me reach my room… well fuck you. And watch me make love to my bed too.

    I reached for the couch and the table trying to lift myself off the ground.

    -Pfff… look at you…

    Her voice starteled me. I looked up to her. She had her arms crossed and looked upset. Ah. Girls are always upset. For what? I don’t know. Ask God.

    -J… Jailyn… what you doin here? Wasn’t you supposed to go back home…?

    -How?! She exploded, starteling me again.

    I managed to lift myself up the ground to sit on the couch.

    -Daaamn, chill with all the shouting, man, you bouta gimme a heart attack…

    -How do you want me to stop shouting? How do you want me to go back home when my so called boyfriend and his best friend have been MIA for hours?! 

    -Come oooon, it wasn’t that long, bae, we ain’t kids anymore… come sit next to daddy, it’s naffin… I patted the seat next to me. For some reason, seeing her angry turned me on.

    -Wasn’t that long? Y’all have been gone since 4 pm, Barry! Y’all have been ignoring all my calls! I was fucking worried!

    -I’m here, now, ain’t I?

    -Yeah, she frantically nodded.

    -You’re here and you’re drunk as fuck. Congrats, her voice shook.

    -Babyyyy…

    -Barry. Do you remember the day Mylen was born?

    Her voice was now calm. I forgot girls were bipolar too. Why the fuck was she asking me that?

    -Why you ask me that? It ain’t-

    -Do you? She asked more strenly. Well damn.

    -Hell yeah, man, that day was crazy. I thought we’d never make it to the hospital on time but shit, did you see me driving down-

    -OKAY, okay, okay. Now do you remember what you told me when you held him for the first time?

    -Uuuh… nah. I was in a daaaaze, bruh.

    She sighed.

    -Let me remind you. You said you’d stop drinking now that you found a reason to live…

    This sentence ringed a bell. But shit, alcohol had my memories in shambles.

    -Hmmm maybe I did…

    -You promised me this one year ago and today, you come back home drunk. Two weeks ago, you got wasted. And I could go on! What are you doing? Where are you going with all that alcohol in your system? When will you stop? You might not keep your promises but I keep mines… This was your last chance. I told you.

    I squinted my eyes in order to find out what she was talking about as she walked back to the room. I didn’t remember that promise she did to me for shit. Just then, she got out the room, weeping her eyes with her coat on and her purse. She walked to the door and didn’t open it before stating:

    -I don’t want you around Mylen anymore. He doesn’t need to see this.

    -What the fuck?! You dump me for that? After everything we been though?! Shit, I start to believe you didn love me like daaat…

    -I did. I still do. I just wanna protect the one that really matters right now. 

    -What am I then?! Am I some fucking piece of shit for you to throw me away like that?! Bitch, you used me! You never loved me for shit! I exploded.

    I tried to stand up, still roaring angrily but gravitation really wouldn’t let me be great. That bitch. 

    She just looked down on me with repudiation. And she knew damn well I hated when she did that shit.

    -Watch the way you’re looking at me because Imma blow yo skull against that door, bitch!

    -See, this is why I don’t want you around him anymore, she shook her head, making the water from her eyes cascade down her cheeks.

    -Don’t you fucking leave, ‘cause-

    -Bye, Barry…

    -What the fuck did I just s-

    SLAM.

    Water never ceased to drop from her eyes until she opened the door and left. I lost her, just like that. And not a single cry, beg, or apology made her come back.

    *Flashback ends*

    I never really got over her, that’s why I always feel nervous around her. She’s the only one I really fell hard for and shit ended up pretty bad. The day after she dumped me, I said fuck love. I’m a heartbreaker. Imma play with bitches’ heart until my bones break. This was until I met Bria.

    The door swung open breaking the daze I was in. It revealed an aggravated Jailyn. One of her perfect eyebrow was cocked while her big brown eyes was shooting daggers at me. Her tiny manicured hand was frimly resting on her generous hip. I couldn’t help but stare at her lowcut revealing one third of her C cup breasts. She cleared her throat frowning and breaking my daze once again.

    -Oh, erm… sorry. Hi.

    She just nodded and let me in.

    I walked to Mylen’s room to lay him on his bed with her following me. I was now removing his clothes when she started:

    -I thought I told you I wanted him here by 9 pm, she crossed her arms.

    -Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. But we had a lot of fun. It was cool. I didn’t want it to end.

    -So? 9 pm is still 9 pm. You forget he has an appointment to the doctor’s tomorrow, she said with an attitude.

    -Aye, chill, he here, now, ain’t he? I almost barked, growing annoyed.

    -He is 4, Barry. He needs more sleep than us. If he doesn’t sleep enough, he’ll wake up all grumpy and I bet you won’t be there to bear it.

    -Come on, stop being so annoying, Jai, I grumbled taking his J’s off.

    -I’m not being annoying, I’m just caring for my child!

    -Yeah, man, whatever.

    I cut the convo short ‘cause I knew where it was leading. Thank the one above, she just kept quiet. She was just standing against the door frame, showing clear signs of exasperation. Sighing, tapping her foot, clearing her throat and all that shit. It wasn’t phasing me, though. She must have noticed it ‘cause she stopped and started another convo:

    -What did y’all do?

    -What about? I mumbled.

    -Well, your day. Where did y’all go?

    -Amusement park… Chipotle… home theater, I smiled. She smiled back.

    -Guess he had fun too. Look at the way he sleeps…

    -Yeah, man, he’s knocked out…

    -His pajamas are in the closet.

    -I know, I laughed a bit.

    -I’m often here so… I shrugged.

    -Bet, she smiled again.

    -Soooo… how have you been? What’s up? I stood up, walking to his closet.

    -Well nothing much…work, son, home, work, son, home. That’s the magical spell of my life, she said, sitting on the edge of Mylen’s bed.

    -Really? No… partner? I went back to the bed and made him wear his pants

    -Barry. Why do we always have to have that boyfirend talk everytime you’re here?

    -‘Cause you’re THAT girl and it would suck ass that no one has to see that.

    -Mylen does and that’s enough, she blushed. 

    -Now, how about you? She asked smirking.

    -Oh, me? Well, I’m doing pretty well… I mean I got me a banging girlfriend. More banging that you. And it’s pretty serious…

    She rolled he eyes at my comments. Guess she didn’t catch the “more banging than you” joke.

    -She’s at home, right now. Mylen loves her, I put him his shirt on.

    Her eyes widened darkly.

    -You let my baby approach her…?

    I kissed my teeth at all that unecessary bs she was starting. 

    -Fuck you mean, approach her? Like she got a fucking bubonic plague or someshit.

    -So? I don’t fucking know her.

    -And? Do you know all monitors he be with at kindergarden? Stop the bullshit, man. And I’m his father, I wouldn’t let nobody dangerous approach my only kid, I snapped putting Mylen under his Cars 2 cover.

    -So you think people will come at you like “Helloooo, I’m dangerous!” Nigga, no. By dangerous, I mean someone who could have a bad influence on him. Last time he was with you, he asked me what was weed!

    I widened my eyes at her.

    -Uh huh, she dramatically nooded her head.

    -Weed, nigga. And when I asked him who told you about that, he answered that uncle Mylo was asking you some. 

    I clenched my teeth. Why the fuck Mylo had to be that fucking loud around my kid. I always told him to quite that shit down when Mylen was around but nigga doesn’t listen for shit.

    I sighed.

    -Aight, aight, aight. I’ll talk to him…

    -Yeah. Do. ‘Cause I ain’t having this convo with my 4 year old, she said standing up and walking out the room.

    -And I don’t want him around your so called girlfriend without me knowing it! She called out. I just sighed in expasperation.

    I followed behind her and went straight to the door. I could feel this convo turning into a long ass argument.

    -Yo, I’m out. Stay safe.

    She just nodded, just like when I got there. She was seaten of the sofa with her arms and legs crossed.

    Going down the stairs, the same senario played again; that same senario when I get out of her house. Pics of our perfect relationship flashed at a rapid pace in my head. Like the fuck? How? How could I have been that stupid to let her go and to fuck all that up? I mean, she was a keeper. The food was great, the sex was great, her independant behavior was great, her physique was great, her mentality was great. She was just… perfect.

    Not that I didn’t love Bria, but seeing Jai never failed to awake my old feelings for her. I just can’t control them.

    Now I feel like she has a grudge that she’ll forever hold against me. I mean, I would too. I give you all of me and you fuck it up easily. But I needed her forgivness. I had to change her mind.

    Karrueche’s POV

    Kae’s condo, West Hollywood, 8:21pm.

    -Yo… I don’t know what it is but erm…

    He paused than sighed.

    -You haven’t been answering my calls forever. Like the fuck I did, man? He spat quietly.

    He kissed his teeth.

    -Anyway… I just wanted to have some news…. you know. About you and the kid… But Kae, dammit, just answer yo damn phone!

    Beep. Beep. Beep.

    Broken. That’s how I felt since I didn’t have a human being to hide in me anymore. The days following the miscarriage have been very though. Physically and mentally. The mere thought of my gone child was making my eyes flood with tears and was making me hyperventillate uncontrolably. The pain was unbearable. Everyday, I was being more and more attracted to the emptiness behind the window. I felt so weak. The amount of times I cried myself to sleep, the amount of times my voice, hoarse and broken left me, the amount of times I dreamed, in my nights drown in tears to hold my baby girl…

    My heart was just so torn appart. My baby girl detachted herself from my womb. Like… it’s so unreal, especially since that kind of miscarriage doesn’t usually happen at that stage of pregnancy.

    I’ve been sitting in my condo’s living room for like 20 minutes, watching my phone go off and listening to his voice mails. Now the problem wasn’t him anymore. By the way he blew my phone, I knew he cared. The problem was me.

    See, I was so afraid of telling him what happened. When I told Dante, he broke down in tears, making me feel guilty for not being able to keep the baby alive and healthy. Then he went into a rage, telling me I was good for nothing and since I killed the kid on purpose over my aspirations, he didn’t want me again. What did I expect? Him showering me with flowers and kisses? Hell no. I knew he’d say that. And I knew he meant it. 

    I still loved Chris and I didn’t want to break him. He had a lot of things to worry about already and I didn’t want to add up.

    But he deserved to know.

    Speaking of the Devil… he made my phone lighten again. This time, he sent a text message.

    From: Baby 

    i’m down the block.since you aint answering your phone I’m comin to see if you ok. See you in like 2 minutEs.

    I dropped my phone. Shit shit shit. 

    What do I do? The crazy though of getting a pillow to stuff it in my t shirt crossed my mind, letting me know how desperate I was.

    -Okay, okay, cool down, Kae, you got this… I massaged my temples trying to get my thoughts together and find a solution.

    Bingo.

    I grabbed my phone and went to Messages.

    To: Baby

    really? I’m not home right now :/

    It took me time for me to type it since my hands were shaking like crazy.

    I pressed the “Send” button and waited for the message to load. Playing with my fingers, I nervously waited for his answer. He didn’t waste time to answer, making my phone buzz.

    From: Baby

    stop lying. If you don’t wanna see me just say it man

    I huffed. He can’t see me, he can’t hear me but he knew I was lying. Great.

    To: Baby

    I want to see you, tho. And I swear I’m not. Why would I lie?

    From: Baby

    even thru text, u can’t lie for shit. I just parked on the driveway and I can c lights are in ur condo

    Just then, I heard his car’s loud roar. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

    To: Baby

    lol Seiko is there. I wanted her to have an eye on the condo because the neighbors still don’t like me. :x lol

    I felt so bad from lying to him that smoothly but I couldn’t hurt him like that.

    One day, he’ll know about it, Kae.

    He will. Not now, though. Please.

    5 minutes later. Still no answer. I started to think he gave up on trying to see me. I took a look at the window. His lambo was still here. 

    Shit. Might as well turn the lights off.

    Click. Drakness. Well… until my phone lit again.

    From: Baby

    I called her. and guess wat?

    -Uuuuuuugh! I let a groan of frustration escape my mouth. 

    That was it. He knew I was lying. Fuck. What do I do?

    *Ding dong*

    I sighed, my mind still racing deseperately for a solution.

    -Think, think, think, Kae, think, I paced on my tip toes.

    Suddenly, an idea popped in my mind. It wasn’t the brightest idea ever but it was still one and it was worth a try. Now, I just hoped it would work. I ran to my room on my tip toes and I turned the hot water on. I rushed to the dresser to find Chris’ big ass North Face coat and wore it. I then rushed to the sink and splashed the burning hot water on my face, not without wincing in pain. Lifting my head up to the mirror above the sink, I stared the mess I made. The hot water made my face blush and messed my make up up, so I looked pretty bad. But not bad enough. I just shook my hair from left to right super fast to mess it up also.

    *Ding ding, ding dong*

    -Shit, I rubbed my wet hands against my thighs nervously.

    I grabbed my covers and wrapped myself in them, slowly making my way to the front door. I was ready to open the door when I remembered my voice was clear. So I ran to the kitchen and spreaded a small amount of cinammon down my throat, instantly making me cough like I was about to die. And in that choir of unstoppable coughs, I went to open the door.

    I slowly did, revealing him, staring at weirdly. Seeing that my cough wouldn’t stop, he finally spoke up:

    -Hmmm, you okay…?

    I coughed one last time before answering raspily:

    -Yeah… come in.

    He walked past me through the darkness of the condo.

    -Why did you turn the lights off…?

    -‘Cause I decided to go chill in my room waiting for you, I switched the lights on and went to sit on the couch.

    He chuckled hanging his head low.

    -Yeah sure…

    -Won’t you sit? I asked him, pulling the covers over me.

    -Nah, I’m good, I won’t be long. You sick?

    -Y-Yeah… that’s why I didn’t want you to see me, I yawned to hide the fact that I was nervous and shaking.

    -I’ve seen worst than that from you, trust me, he smiled shaking his head.

    -I know but… yeah, I trailed.

    -How’s the kid? You should go to the doctor’s cause I think that kid of illness can affect his health, he said, burrying himself in his phone.

    This subject made my heart jump. The lump in my troat started growing as I struggled in side to mumble:

    -You’re right… I should go… I said looking everywhere but in his eyes. I felt the tears building up.

    -You sure you okay? He was now looking at me in the eyes.

    -Yeah. I’m fine. Thanks for asking.

    He nodded but i could see in his eyes he didn’t believe me. Yet, he just decided to drop it.

    -Well, I should get going. Got somewhere I have to be…

    -Stu?

    -Yep. Guess I’ll see you around.

    -Yeah…

    -And… what was all that ignoring shit about? He frowned?

    I sighed deeply giving me time to find a lie.

    -Sorry, I was busy and then, I got sick… I was sleeping all day.

    -Oh. Well, hope you’ll be fine soon.

    -Thanks… I hope so too.

    -Yeah. See ya.

    Just when he turned his back, my mind started racing and guilt started to invade my body.

    It’s not too late Kae. You can tell him. 

    He isn’t gone yet. Will you let him go thinking everything is okay? 

    You should tell him. It might have been his seed growing inside of you.

    Speak up, Kae, dammit!

    -Chris! I called a little bit louder than I wanted to just when he was about to close the door.

    -Hm? He looked up.

    I sat up and looked at him in the eyes letting my bottom lip sink unvolontarily in my teeth.

    -I… I got something to tell you.